Three times....
So, I've almost died three....yes three times....lol, I know it's not really really funny, but it is when I tell it, because, well....I didn't die.
The first time, I don't even remember I was a small small baby I had rheumatic fever... rheumatic fever is a severe infectious disease that mostly kids get, they develop a very very high fever, and inflamed joints and muscles, usually it causes permanent damage to the valves of the heart. Which is exactly what I have now, the rheumatic fever caused an inflammation in my heart muscle and caused me to have a heart murmur which is basically a hole in my heart...awesome right? NOPE, not at all, this means crap like, anytime I go to the dentist I have to take five 1000 mg of antibiotics an hour before.....gross...makes me sooo sick. Plus it makes my heartbeat do this weird flip flop shit, which is actually it hesitating to beat....very nice....anyway that's number one near death, since I've been told, I almost gave in....
The second time, was when I gave birth to my little boy Nicholas. I went to the doctor and had a very high blood pressure reading, and my heart beat was kind of erratic. So, my blood pressure wouldn't come down no matter what I did, so they admitted me into the hospital. They started checking me for Pre-Eclampsia, which is basically something in the Placenta says....nope, we hate your body now, and releases all this shit in your blood, it makes your blood pressure spike and whatever. Well, apparently I had HAD Pre-Eclampsia and it had went into full blown Eclampsia within a matter of an hour. Eclampsia is basically a series of brain seizures and blood poisoning. The only way to cure these two things is to deliver the baby. Sounds awesome right....well, It is not. All I remember is losing eyesight, headache, my heart pounding, and going into labor. My doctor had not arrived so the doctor at the hospital was dealing with me, which I hated. So, apparently I went downhill, my blood pressure dropped dramatically, my heart beat slowed, and I went fuzzy. And Nick was in distress, so I had to deliver, problem was when my BP dropped they needed to bring it up, so they dropped my head to the floor, my feet in the air (? don't know why) and was told I needed to deliver stat, but could not have a C-section because I had massive blood poisoning, so my blood would not clot, meaning I could not have any sort of blood drawn, or any kind of surgery what-so-ever or I would bleed to death. Well, I basically delivered, without any drugs at all (I couldn't have anything) with my head towards the floor, by my doctor who walked in at after the head had been delivered, why was he late, his wife had left her purse in his car, and he had to take it back home....WTF. I'm just glad Nicholas was okay.
Third time....Para-sailing in Myrtle Beach. My sister in law Kim and I decided to para-sail, knock something off my bucket list. Well so this taxi boat takes you from the beach to the main boat that sits about a mile out in the ocean, there are about 10 people on this boat. We make it to the main boat, and it is really choppy, the first two sets of people have already had their turn, and Kim and I were up next, and the last ones to actually Para-sail. A call comes in to the captain that they are going to have to cancel the rest of the day, because a storm is coming in and the water is unsafe, which I can totally understand, because the boat was being knocked around everywhere...the waves were huge. People (not me or Kim of course) but the others were vomiting off the side. The captain says, well we have you two out here already we will just go ahead and let you take your turn, so we get up in the air, and look down at the boat, the waves are hitting it like crazy, and almost everyone is puking off the side...very nice. After our ride, we have to land standing up on the back of this boat that is being pummeled by waves, we do pretty good actually, but here is where things get sticky.
We all board the taxi boat to go back in....shortly after we leave the main boat, we get smacked by a huge wave, and the boat flips. Kim actually stays in the boat, her leg is stuck in a rope, so the boat gets flipped back up and she's in it, which is hilarious now. Anyway, I'm in the water, about 3/4 a mile out from the beach, and I am getting pummeled by waves, I can't even stay above the water, even with the life jacket. I come up, and glance behind me looking for a break from the waves, and I see the boat, about a three feet directly in back of me...."oh shit, I'm going to get hit by the boat!"...I go under (? not sure why), come back up, and of course it's still there. Out of the blue, I get this idea that I should be swimming sideways, away from the boat and the current (that's easier said than done), but I do it...I keep going under and swimming sideways...finally the boat is in front of me, with Kim in it of course lol. The para-sail company comes over to us, and say "Oh my God, are you okay?, we have these T-shirts for you"..T-shirts...wtf...I want my money back, but NOOOO!. The best part is that no-one except Kim's husband Brandon saw it, everyone else was in the bar!!!!....So we walk in the bar, and everyone was like...."geez you guys are wet, what they do, dip you in the ocean?" UM, yeah, they dipped us in the ocean alright.
Hopefully I will not have a number four, or higher.....because I mean how many lives could I possibly have, I'm not a cat!!!! meow.......
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