I lost my last living grandmother not to long ago, she was the world to me. She lived down in Casey County, Kentucky, on a farm that she purchased when my grandfather was away at war. They used to live in this sweet little white house on their farm. I loved the house, except of course the upstairs, where I swear was haunted by a little kid, and had these cubby hole things (storage places) but they were covered with like curtains...scared the shit out of me when I slept up there, but what was really cool was the vent in the floor, you could see everyone in the downstairs room, and hear what they were saying. It was pretty awesome. They had a wood burning stove, that my grandfather threatened to stick my nose to when I was sick, (like he ever would), he did however give me homemade cough syrup, which was horrible and delicious at the same time, it was made of sugar cane or something, and probably whiskey who knows. So this perfect little house caught on fire when I was small, on Christmas Eve. I remember very well getting the call saying that the house was on fire, it was within the walls, and we needed to leave to go down. Now the drive was four hours, so it took a while to go down. We left all of our presents, not even worrying about Santa, and headed down to Kentucky. When we got to the house it was completely gone, a few things saved, but the rest was ash. I can remember walking on the ashes which were still warm, and looking for things that we could salvage, like coins (my grandfather had a coin belonging to Jesse James), pictures, anything. I was wearing those awesome Earth shoes, when we finished the whole bottom of them were melted off, lol. Worst Christmas I can ever remember! So since this house burned they have lived in a trailer where the house sat, the trailer has been built around and is huge, looks like a house, and has an enormous front porch, that I love with swings, and vines all over it, ahhh, Heaven. So on to the story...
It was Thanksgiving, we always go to "the farm" on Thanksgiving. My mom, and aunt had to work so they were coming a day late, I was in charge of taking the enormous million pound turkey down to the farm....Okay, no big deal right....right!...I got the turkey down there, and of course had to help grandma get it ready since she was a very fragile lady at this point. I did all that, turkey, was ready to go, green beans in the crock-pot, everything ready. We put the turkey in the oven to cook over night, since it was going to feed about 50 people, it was huge!... I told grandma that if I didn't hear the oven timer go off, for her to wake me up, and under no circumstance was she to get the turkey out of the oven by herself. Well, she is as hard headed as I am, and thinks she can do everything (like I do), so the timer went off around 7 a.m. and she decided to take the turkey out of the oven, by herself....that did not go well....at all... she comes in my bedroom, wakes me up and simply says, I think I may have a little problem. A little problem? okay, so I get up go in the kitchen and the turkey is half way out of the oven half way in, No big deal right...NOT, she has tried to get it out and put a hole in the roasting bag, so juice, and grease or butter, or whatever was spilling out of the bag, over the aluminum pan (which really this huge poundage of turkey should never be placed in in the first place, because it is now smashed in on the sides) and spilling into the oven. AWESOME....so I pick this stupid turkey up and damn near kill myself trying to get it on the top of the stove without damaging the aluminum pan anymore, or spilling shit all over the floor. I manage to get this done, and grandma starts giggling at me, I look down and there is a small fire in the back of the oven where she had spilled the juice out. Very Nice!, I'm like, Oh My God...what the shit... we gotta put this out. Grandma says, well it's an electric oven you cannot put water on it, you have to put flour!, Flour? like baking flour? So, grandma closes the door, says the flour is in the cabinet in the back room, so I run like a fool, to get it. By the time I run and get the flour and open the oven door....it is completely engulfed in flames! Grandma says, throw the flour on, so I do, well the flour mixes with the juice and makes some sorta gravy fire mixture that goes up in flames like gasoline, flour powder comes blowing out of the oven, in my face, I can't see, probably look like a ghost, and the flour gravy is burning like crazy.... HOLY SHIT, I shut the door, and run like an idiot to my cousins house (next door), wake him up in which he is like...."what the fuck do you have on your face, and why are you waking me up"..."um, grandma's stove is on fire, and the damn house is going to burn the hell down....again"....we run up to the house, he is in his boxers, very nice!...there is black smoke coming out of the windows...and the house is filled, flames are shooting up through the burners, surrounding the turkey which is on top of the stove.....yes now it is pretty hilarious right? We finally get the fire out, open all the windows, freeze the shit out of the house, and learn that of course the oven is completely useless, burnt the hell up, and the food is not ready, so we get this bright idea to go back to my cousins house, and move his oven to grandma's which is a most awesome plan by the way. Stuart and I dragged an oven up the hill, and actually finish cooking the food, and actually get it finished in time...
Everyone arrived, about 50 people crammed into this little trailer house, the turkey was incredible, nice smoked flavor, everyone was asking how we cooked it...grandma and I, would bust out laughing, and say it's a secret!...a few wanted to know if we burned the rolls or something, in which we were almost crying from laughing so hard, to tell them yes, exactly we burnt a few rolls. To this day, it is the funniest Thanksgiving EVER!!! 
Awesome story!
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