So what is a ghost, according to traditional belief, a ghost is the soul or spirit of a deceased person or animal that is able to appear in visible form. According to Sylvia Browne - a ghost is "someone who hasn't made it - in other words, who died, and they don't know they're dead, so they keep walking around and thinking that you are inhabiting their - let's say, their domain. So they are aggravated with you". So the question is.....for me, do I believe in ghosts? That is a hard one for me to answer, mainly because I am a Christian, so technically, ghosts should not exist right? right!, however, I have had a few things happen to me that make me wonder. Actually I don't wonder, I am 100% positive it was something unexplainable, but what it was, and if it would have actually hurt me are questions that I'm not able to answer.
So what exactly has happened....well, here's the deal, the house I grew up in, is definitely haunted...from a very very young age I remember things happening that we couldn't explain. For instance, in the fall, nearly every year, something goes off in the attic that laughs, sounds like a weird doll or something, but we hear it ONCE and only ONCE a year, since I was little, we have cleaned out the attic, never found anything that could make a noise like that. I've also heard the story of my brother sitting on the stairs talking to our great grandfather who was deceased, my brother said, "I'm talking to Pop Hines", and he was too little to know him. My cousin, (whose name I will not mention) was basically attacked as a child by something at night.
My parents house used to be a two family, one door in the front (where we lived) and a side door leading upstairs that was rented to other people. Apparently, a lady whom lived upstairs (before we moved in), fell down the steps in the winter, and froze on the landing at the side of the house, now, is this just a story? Not sure, but everyone seems to know about it...I have tried and tried to find proof of this, but haven't been able to yet, the reason I bring this up is to give an insight on my next "unexplained" happening. My parents used to throw the most awesome Halloween parties, complete with a haunted house, scary food, music, and kids leaving screaming their heads off. During one of our parties, we decided to tell ghost stories, so my mom told the story of the lady and the stairs, my dad, was supposed to drop something down the stairs on cue, to scare the shit out of us at a certain part of the story. Well, something fell down the stairs all right, but my dad hadn't done it, the minute we screamed, my dad comes in from the back door, and says "oh, is it time for the story?, to which my mom replies "we already did it!, my dad then says, "oh sorry babe, I wasn't keeping track of time"...well later I heard them talking and mom asking him what had fallen down the steps then, if he wasn't the one doing it.
The next few happenings are just weird, I used to go to a friends, whose mom we liked to call "mama Siegel" cause she was so awesome. Well every Friday night we went for a teen party, we played all the fun games, spin the bottle, 7 minutes in heaven, followed by a seance and light as a feather. Our seances were top notch. During one of them we decided to bring back mama Siegel's grandfather. I was sitting next to her on the couch, and we called for him, well, it was different than normal because the candle actually went out, in which all of us girls screamed, and grabbed onto the closest boy next to us (hee hee hee), well, I kept feeling my hair being touched, I assumed it was Janet (mama Siegel), so I didn't say anything. A few minutes later, I realized that Janet's hands were covering her face, and she was crying....well, I asked her what was wrong, she said, she thought she saw someone come in the door behind us that resembled her grandfather. I was fine until she said, but I don't think it was him, because I asked him to play with one of my girls hair. At that point I was seriously scared, but didn't tell anyone.
Another seance at my grandparents house, is still kind of funny to me, the girls, my mom, my two aunts, my grandmother, and I were in the kitchen doing a seance to bring back Elvis of course , well my grandfather, and the guys were in the living room playing the guitar and singing (my grandfather was a member of the crowns men quartet) anyway, we called to Elvis, asked for a sign, and my grandfather starts singing...."love me tender"...For real..., we quit after that.
Now on to the strange things, a lady lived in our house when I was little by the name of Mrs. Harris, she seemed really mean, but I think she was just aggravated by my brother and I making noise, she was very old, my brother and I had our bedrooms in the upstairs, she rented a small apartment next to our hallway. One day, she called me in her room to tell me how much she enjoyed watching me play, I decided she was a very nice lady, and I loved her. Well, she became very sick, and was put in a home. One night, while sleeping, I woke up due to a huge bright light coming in my window. I couldn't figure it out, wasn't scared of it, but went downstairs to my mom to tell her I couldn't sleep, when I got to the bottom of the stairs I realized my mom was on the phone, and she was visibly upset. She hung up with whomever she was talking to and told me that Mrs. Harris had just passed away while she was on the phone with her brother....to this day, I think it was her telling me goodbye. When my grandfather passed away, things kept happening at his house, weird things, just a feeling that he was there still, so I asked him to show me a sign that he was around, when I asked that, I opened a Bible of his, opened it to a random page, and found a note written by my grandfather. At that point his watch went off, this watch was hidden in the deepest part of his drawer, and had been missing for quite some time. Now that could be coincidence, but, maybe it wasn't.
Now for the scariest one...I went to Kentucky with some friends of mine, Sandy and Rick Pendleton, and Patsy and Denny Troxell and Carolyn Beatty. Well, we were staying at an old house belonging to Rick's family called the Pappy house. The Pappy house was so old, it didn't have a bathroom, only an outhouse, and a well in the front yard. We had always heard rumors that the Pappy house was haunted, but didn't care, we were teenagers, what was going to hurt us right? Well, our first night there the boys (including some of Rick's adorable cousins, Jimmy and Tracy) were upstairs talking about us girls, we could hear them because we were in the back room listening through the ducts. We were trying not to giggle to loudly. We were in a little huddle cracking up, when a hanger hits me in the back. A hanger? yes a hanger, right out of the closet, well, we couldn't hold in our laughter anymore, and was hysterically laughing when the boys came downstairs because they heard us. We told them, in which their response was "oh it's just the ghost"...whatever!.. The next morning the boys went to town to get a part for Rick's car, the girls were just going to hang out at the house. We were in the living room , in the front of the house, watching television when we heard the kitchen door open, which was in the back of the house. So of course we ask "did you find the parts you needed for the car?", no answer. I walk in the kitchen, and the door is open, I didn't think much of it, closed the door and went back to watch television. A few minutes later, it opens again, Sandy goes in and closes the door, comes back and says, "you must not have closed it all the way, the wind opened it I guess". No big deal, until, it opened again. I decided to lock the door, went back to the living room and said, "here's the thing, It's locked, if it opens again, it's either someone playing a trick on us, or something else". Of course, you know, it opened again. So we decide to sit on the front porch. We are chatting, and someone says something about the stupid ghost bothering us, as soon as that came out, the door behind us, opened with such force it hit the wall, and knocked a picture off, and the screen door pulled open to hit the front of the house. We took off running down the gravel road, only to meet the boys in the car halfway down. The didn't believe us, why would they, we were stupid. Well, I didn't sleep at all the last night there, as a matter of fact, I stayed up with a knife next to me, and haven't been back.
These stories, and others I've heard still give me goose bumps, but, I'm not sure I can honestly say I'm afraid. I'm more curious than anything. My curiosity actually has me to the point where I am planning a stay in two of the most haunted places on earth. The Chillingham Castle in England, and of course the Waverly Sanitarium in Louisville, Kentucky. The castle speaks for itself, that would just be cool to stay in haunted or not. The Waverly Hills Sanitarium, well that is a different story - this is an old abandoned hospital where they kept tuberculosis patients in the early 1900's. I have read so much about Waverly Hills that I could probably host some sort of show on it. I know that more than 6000 people died in the hospital, and doctors were said to do experimental surgeries, and used illegal drugs on the patients. There was a floor for children, and is supposedly haunted still by a little guy named Tommy. A wing was made for patients who had no hope of surviving, which is horrible, because they would have known they were dying when they were moved there. There was also a body chute, which was used of course transport bodies to the outside, so patients couldn't see how many there were, and to cut down on spread of the disease, they say that the bodies were just thrown down and gravity took them to the bottom. Why am I so obsessed with Waverly, well, my great great grandmother Julia Hatter passed away at Waverly, from tuberculosis, and insanity (which is caused by tuberculosis, since it ravages the mind). I am still trying to find out where she was in the hospital, the room number and such, because I would love to see where exactly she was placed.
So the question remains...do I believe in ghosts? I don't know really, I mean, things happen that are unexplained, weird things, and scary things, but are they ghosts, or spirits? John Edwards is a Christian who is also a psychic, he says that people can be in an area where they are able to communicate, and to check on us.
Of course I watch Ghost Hunters (it's my favorite show), and other shows like that, but do I believe those?, not really! I think they do a good job debunking things, and they do a good job trying to make it seem like things are not a set up, but are all the things they find real? I doubt it, I would love to go on the show, and be with them one night to see. So even if someone could provide plausible explanations for poltergeists, or ghosts that show up in a million different places and times, there is always the possibility that one that pops up will be the real thing.
So, for people who believe in poltergeists, ghosts and haunted places, take refuge in the fact that nobody ever has enough information to debunk EVERY ghost story, however, knowing God as I do, I feel secure in knowing where I am going after death. I guess this is something I will just never be able to answer, and why it's called the unknown I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I don't dwell on this stuff, I don't find ways or ask for ghosts to come to me - heck no, I'm not stupid, and I am definitly staying away from any satanic, witchy, voodoo things - I'm not into evil, I guess I'm like the rest of the world...questioning...
So, when I'm asked..."are you afraid of the dark?" I can usually answer, "no, not really, I'm just afraid of what MIGHT be in the dark!."
Yup....It's me
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Your momma must of screwed a porcupine to get a prick like you....
Be forewarned that this blog is going to get ugly, really really fast. This is my response to the article "Touch 'Em All: This Philadelphian has some issues with Cincinnati"...By Frank Fitzpatrick Inquirer Staff Writer for Philly.com.
So Frank has some issues with Cincinnati, my hometown, the place I love? That's fine everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I'm down with that. While we are at it....voicing our opinions...let me start by saying Mr. Fitzpatrick.....that "He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones at others!" Now on to my opinion of Philadelphia.....The city of brotherly love.....or maybe perhaps it should be called The city of brotherly loathe! Brotherly loathe, why would I call it that, well maybe because "Philly" is one of the most miserable cities, It's one of the top 10 most bitter and angry cities to live in due to their sports teams alone, It's number #15 on the most dangerous cities list, 10th most polluted, one of the 10th worst cities for staged accidents, and last but not least it is one of the top 10 ugliest cities in the United States. So brotherly love...I think you are sorely mistaken sir.
Some facts from a Philadelphia newspaper, mass littering, bad attitudes, drugs, gangs, highest murder rates in the USA, worst criminal behavior all words that describe your city. Don't get me wrong, am I trying to put down Philadelphia...NO, I'm trying to show YOU that your definition of Cincinnati, and it being soooo much worse than Philadelphia is a load of horseshit. I know that Cincinnati has it's faults, believe me I've lived here my whole life, but that doesn't mean it's all bad, same as Philadelphia, you live there, obviously you think it's fantastic. Cincinnati is a class act, fountain square the day of our last Red's playoff game against your Philly team. I sat in the mist of Bengals, Reds and of course Philly fans, no one was killed, no one fought, no arguments, nothing, why, because we have class! Your city is known more for it's senseless fan behavior than it is for your sports accomplishments....you need some examples, okay, what's up with your fan running on the field, and getting tased, was that amazing to you? Booing Sarah Palin at the hockey game, that's just immature. Throwing snowballs, throwing batteries, Booing Donavan McNabb for being drafted to your team instead of Williams, way to make him feel like part of the team, I'm sure he was thrilled! You had to install a court, judge and jail inside of Veterans Stadium for unruly fan's, and you think that's okay. Cheering as injured players are taken out on stretchers, and here's a good one "fan killed outside stadium for spilling beer", If i were to be punished for all the times I spilled my beer, I guess I'd be black and blue! And the topper, throwing things, cussing at and intentionally vomiting on kids at the games....wow, I have no words to express my feelings on that. Philadelphia fans complain about how misunderstood they are, really, show us some class and we will show you some respect, until then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror, and see what is staring you in the face before slamming another cities fan's.
I'm also very upset with your comment about our stadium, our river, our food... Really our food? You are bashing our chili, and goetta....when your city is one of the fattest cities in the united states. I give you this, you have awesome cheesecake, and Philly cheese steak is pretty good too, but how about your fish head sandwiches, and crispy pork intestines? I'm just sayin' don't knock it unless you've tried it. You talk about our homeless, I don't know where you've been Frank but Philly has just as many if not more homeless people as we do, there are just as many shantytowns, and shelters. The homeless people are everywhere, it's our job to help them, do we want them lighting fires on the river, no we don't, no more than you want yours blocking the sidewalks in North Philly. I'm positive there are awesome people in Philadelphia, I'm sure I know lots of people from there as well, and that's fine, because really my issue is not with Philly it's not with anyone, other than your sorry prick ass.
The thing I see and feel about Philadelphia is this, you have one of the worst violent youth problems ever. They have been known to beat and kill people for amusement. Your city also has 25 of the most dangerous schools in the United States. Why do you think this is happening? Do you think it may be because of the way your adults act towards people? You are no better than anyone else, you are fans of your teams, guess what ... so the fuck are we, we just don't kill people who aren't, we don't bloody them, and beat the shit out of them....we buy them a beer and a goetta sandwich, play some cornhole (which I will add is an awesome game), maybe even a round or two of flip cup, and then go watch the game.
So go ahead an talk your bullshit about the city I love...good ole' Cincinnati, home of the first ball team, the first municipal university (GO BEARCATS), and home of the boy scouts! Because we all know the real truth, the one great, most awesome thing about Cincinnati is.....we are NOT Philadelphia. So save your breath for your inflatable doll.....and from Cincinnati....U sir can suck it..!
So Frank has some issues with Cincinnati, my hometown, the place I love? That's fine everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I'm down with that. While we are at it....voicing our opinions...let me start by saying Mr. Fitzpatrick.....that "He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones at others!" Now on to my opinion of Philadelphia.....The city of brotherly love.....or maybe perhaps it should be called The city of brotherly loathe! Brotherly loathe, why would I call it that, well maybe because "Philly" is one of the most miserable cities, It's one of the top 10 most bitter and angry cities to live in due to their sports teams alone, It's number #15 on the most dangerous cities list, 10th most polluted, one of the 10th worst cities for staged accidents, and last but not least it is one of the top 10 ugliest cities in the United States. So brotherly love...I think you are sorely mistaken sir.
Some facts from a Philadelphia newspaper, mass littering, bad attitudes, drugs, gangs, highest murder rates in the USA, worst criminal behavior all words that describe your city. Don't get me wrong, am I trying to put down Philadelphia...NO, I'm trying to show YOU that your definition of Cincinnati, and it being soooo much worse than Philadelphia is a load of horseshit. I know that Cincinnati has it's faults, believe me I've lived here my whole life, but that doesn't mean it's all bad, same as Philadelphia, you live there, obviously you think it's fantastic. Cincinnati is a class act, fountain square the day of our last Red's playoff game against your Philly team. I sat in the mist of Bengals, Reds and of course Philly fans, no one was killed, no one fought, no arguments, nothing, why, because we have class! Your city is known more for it's senseless fan behavior than it is for your sports accomplishments....you need some examples, okay, what's up with your fan running on the field, and getting tased, was that amazing to you? Booing Sarah Palin at the hockey game, that's just immature. Throwing snowballs, throwing batteries, Booing Donavan McNabb for being drafted to your team instead of Williams, way to make him feel like part of the team, I'm sure he was thrilled! You had to install a court, judge and jail inside of Veterans Stadium for unruly fan's, and you think that's okay. Cheering as injured players are taken out on stretchers, and here's a good one "fan killed outside stadium for spilling beer", If i were to be punished for all the times I spilled my beer, I guess I'd be black and blue! And the topper, throwing things, cussing at and intentionally vomiting on kids at the games....wow, I have no words to express my feelings on that. Philadelphia fans complain about how misunderstood they are, really, show us some class and we will show you some respect, until then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror, and see what is staring you in the face before slamming another cities fan's.
I'm also very upset with your comment about our stadium, our river, our food... Really our food? You are bashing our chili, and goetta....when your city is one of the fattest cities in the united states. I give you this, you have awesome cheesecake, and Philly cheese steak is pretty good too, but how about your fish head sandwiches, and crispy pork intestines? I'm just sayin' don't knock it unless you've tried it. You talk about our homeless, I don't know where you've been Frank but Philly has just as many if not more homeless people as we do, there are just as many shantytowns, and shelters. The homeless people are everywhere, it's our job to help them, do we want them lighting fires on the river, no we don't, no more than you want yours blocking the sidewalks in North Philly. I'm positive there are awesome people in Philadelphia, I'm sure I know lots of people from there as well, and that's fine, because really my issue is not with Philly it's not with anyone, other than your sorry prick ass.
The thing I see and feel about Philadelphia is this, you have one of the worst violent youth problems ever. They have been known to beat and kill people for amusement. Your city also has 25 of the most dangerous schools in the United States. Why do you think this is happening? Do you think it may be because of the way your adults act towards people? You are no better than anyone else, you are fans of your teams, guess what ... so the fuck are we, we just don't kill people who aren't, we don't bloody them, and beat the shit out of them....we buy them a beer and a goetta sandwich, play some cornhole (which I will add is an awesome game), maybe even a round or two of flip cup, and then go watch the game.
So go ahead an talk your bullshit about the city I love...good ole' Cincinnati, home of the first ball team, the first municipal university (GO BEARCATS), and home of the boy scouts! Because we all know the real truth, the one great, most awesome thing about Cincinnati is.....we are NOT Philadelphia. So save your breath for your inflatable doll.....and from Cincinnati....U sir can suck it..!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
So....at least the house is still standing...
Interesting story...since it is Autumn now (my favorite time of the year). So two years ago I was given a huge job. A huge job that I wasn't capable of doing of course, and I would've thought my family would have known this about me, but apparently...they did not.
I lost my last living grandmother not to long ago, she was the world to me. She lived down in Casey County, Kentucky, on a farm that she purchased when my grandfather was away at war. They used to live in this sweet little white house on their farm. I loved the house, except of course the upstairs, where I swear was haunted by a little kid, and had these cubby hole things (storage places) but they were covered with like curtains...scared the shit out of me when I slept up there, but what was really cool was the vent in the floor, you could see everyone in the downstairs room, and hear what they were saying. It was pretty awesome. They had a wood burning stove, that my grandfather threatened to stick my nose to when I was sick, (like he ever would), he did however give me homemade cough syrup, which was horrible and delicious at the same time, it was made of sugar cane or something, and probably whiskey who knows. So this perfect little house caught on fire when I was small, on Christmas Eve. I remember very well getting the call saying that the house was on fire, it was within the walls, and we needed to leave to go down. Now the drive was four hours, so it took a while to go down. We left all of our presents, not even worrying about Santa, and headed down to Kentucky. When we got to the house it was completely gone, a few things saved, but the rest was ash. I can remember walking on the ashes which were still warm, and looking for things that we could salvage, like coins (my grandfather had a coin belonging to Jesse James), pictures, anything. I was wearing those awesome Earth shoes, when we finished the whole bottom of them were melted off, lol. Worst Christmas I can ever remember! So since this house burned they have lived in a trailer where the house sat, the trailer has been built around and is huge, looks like a house, and has an enormous front porch, that I love with swings, and vines all over it, ahhh, Heaven. So on to the story...
It was Thanksgiving, we always go to "the farm" on Thanksgiving. My mom, and aunt had to work so they were coming a day late, I was in charge of taking the enormous million pound turkey down to the farm....Okay, no big deal right....right!...I got the turkey down there, and of course had to help grandma get it ready since she was a very fragile lady at this point. I did all that, turkey, was ready to go, green beans in the crock-pot, everything ready. We put the turkey in the oven to cook over night, since it was going to feed about 50 people, it was huge!... I told grandma that if I didn't hear the oven timer go off, for her to wake me up, and under no circumstance was she to get the turkey out of the oven by herself. Well, she is as hard headed as I am, and thinks she can do everything (like I do), so the timer went off around 7 a.m. and she decided to take the turkey out of the oven, by herself....that did not go well....at all... she comes in my bedroom, wakes me up and simply says, I think I may have a little problem. A little problem? okay, so I get up go in the kitchen and the turkey is half way out of the oven half way in, No big deal right...NOT, she has tried to get it out and put a hole in the roasting bag, so juice, and grease or butter, or whatever was spilling out of the bag, over the aluminum pan (which really this huge poundage of turkey should never be placed in in the first place, because it is now smashed in on the sides) and spilling into the oven. AWESOME....so I pick this stupid turkey up and damn near kill myself trying to get it on the top of the stove without damaging the aluminum pan anymore, or spilling shit all over the floor. I manage to get this done, and grandma starts giggling at me, I look down and there is a small fire in the back of the oven where she had spilled the juice out. Very Nice!, I'm like, Oh My God...what the shit... we gotta put this out. Grandma says, well it's an electric oven you cannot put water on it, you have to put flour!, Flour? like baking flour? So, grandma closes the door, says the flour is in the cabinet in the back room, so I run like a fool, to get it. By the time I run and get the flour and open the oven door....it is completely engulfed in flames! Grandma says, throw the flour on, so I do, well the flour mixes with the juice and makes some sorta gravy fire mixture that goes up in flames like gasoline, flour powder comes blowing out of the oven, in my face, I can't see, probably look like a ghost, and the flour gravy is burning like crazy.... HOLY SHIT, I shut the door, and run like an idiot to my cousins house (next door), wake him up in which he is like...."what the fuck do you have on your face, and why are you waking me up"..."um, grandma's stove is on fire, and the damn house is going to burn the hell down....again"....we run up to the house, he is in his boxers, very nice!...there is black smoke coming out of the windows...and the house is filled, flames are shooting up through the burners, surrounding the turkey which is on top of the stove.....yes now it is pretty hilarious right? We finally get the fire out, open all the windows, freeze the shit out of the house, and learn that of course the oven is completely useless, burnt the hell up, and the food is not ready, so we get this bright idea to go back to my cousins house, and move his oven to grandma's which is a most awesome plan by the way. Stuart and I dragged an oven up the hill, and actually finish cooking the food, and actually get it finished in time...
Everyone arrived, about 50 people crammed into this little trailer house, the turkey was incredible, nice smoked flavor, everyone was asking how we cooked it...grandma and I, would bust out laughing, and say it's a secret!...a few wanted to know if we burned the rolls or something, in which we were almost crying from laughing so hard, to tell them yes, exactly we burnt a few rolls. To this day, it is the funniest Thanksgiving EVER!!!
I lost my last living grandmother not to long ago, she was the world to me. She lived down in Casey County, Kentucky, on a farm that she purchased when my grandfather was away at war. They used to live in this sweet little white house on their farm. I loved the house, except of course the upstairs, where I swear was haunted by a little kid, and had these cubby hole things (storage places) but they were covered with like curtains...scared the shit out of me when I slept up there, but what was really cool was the vent in the floor, you could see everyone in the downstairs room, and hear what they were saying. It was pretty awesome. They had a wood burning stove, that my grandfather threatened to stick my nose to when I was sick, (like he ever would), he did however give me homemade cough syrup, which was horrible and delicious at the same time, it was made of sugar cane or something, and probably whiskey who knows. So this perfect little house caught on fire when I was small, on Christmas Eve. I remember very well getting the call saying that the house was on fire, it was within the walls, and we needed to leave to go down. Now the drive was four hours, so it took a while to go down. We left all of our presents, not even worrying about Santa, and headed down to Kentucky. When we got to the house it was completely gone, a few things saved, but the rest was ash. I can remember walking on the ashes which were still warm, and looking for things that we could salvage, like coins (my grandfather had a coin belonging to Jesse James), pictures, anything. I was wearing those awesome Earth shoes, when we finished the whole bottom of them were melted off, lol. Worst Christmas I can ever remember! So since this house burned they have lived in a trailer where the house sat, the trailer has been built around and is huge, looks like a house, and has an enormous front porch, that I love with swings, and vines all over it, ahhh, Heaven. So on to the story...
It was Thanksgiving, we always go to "the farm" on Thanksgiving. My mom, and aunt had to work so they were coming a day late, I was in charge of taking the enormous million pound turkey down to the farm....Okay, no big deal right....right!...I got the turkey down there, and of course had to help grandma get it ready since she was a very fragile lady at this point. I did all that, turkey, was ready to go, green beans in the crock-pot, everything ready. We put the turkey in the oven to cook over night, since it was going to feed about 50 people, it was huge!... I told grandma that if I didn't hear the oven timer go off, for her to wake me up, and under no circumstance was she to get the turkey out of the oven by herself. Well, she is as hard headed as I am, and thinks she can do everything (like I do), so the timer went off around 7 a.m. and she decided to take the turkey out of the oven, by herself....that did not go well....at all... she comes in my bedroom, wakes me up and simply says, I think I may have a little problem. A little problem? okay, so I get up go in the kitchen and the turkey is half way out of the oven half way in, No big deal right...NOT, she has tried to get it out and put a hole in the roasting bag, so juice, and grease or butter, or whatever was spilling out of the bag, over the aluminum pan (which really this huge poundage of turkey should never be placed in in the first place, because it is now smashed in on the sides) and spilling into the oven. AWESOME....so I pick this stupid turkey up and damn near kill myself trying to get it on the top of the stove without damaging the aluminum pan anymore, or spilling shit all over the floor. I manage to get this done, and grandma starts giggling at me, I look down and there is a small fire in the back of the oven where she had spilled the juice out. Very Nice!, I'm like, Oh My God...what the shit... we gotta put this out. Grandma says, well it's an electric oven you cannot put water on it, you have to put flour!, Flour? like baking flour? So, grandma closes the door, says the flour is in the cabinet in the back room, so I run like a fool, to get it. By the time I run and get the flour and open the oven door....it is completely engulfed in flames! Grandma says, throw the flour on, so I do, well the flour mixes with the juice and makes some sorta gravy fire mixture that goes up in flames like gasoline, flour powder comes blowing out of the oven, in my face, I can't see, probably look like a ghost, and the flour gravy is burning like crazy.... HOLY SHIT, I shut the door, and run like an idiot to my cousins house (next door), wake him up in which he is like...."what the fuck do you have on your face, and why are you waking me up"..."um, grandma's stove is on fire, and the damn house is going to burn the hell down....again"....we run up to the house, he is in his boxers, very nice!...there is black smoke coming out of the windows...and the house is filled, flames are shooting up through the burners, surrounding the turkey which is on top of the stove.....yes now it is pretty hilarious right? We finally get the fire out, open all the windows, freeze the shit out of the house, and learn that of course the oven is completely useless, burnt the hell up, and the food is not ready, so we get this bright idea to go back to my cousins house, and move his oven to grandma's which is a most awesome plan by the way. Stuart and I dragged an oven up the hill, and actually finish cooking the food, and actually get it finished in time...
Everyone arrived, about 50 people crammed into this little trailer house, the turkey was incredible, nice smoked flavor, everyone was asking how we cooked it...grandma and I, would bust out laughing, and say it's a secret!...a few wanted to know if we burned the rolls or something, in which we were almost crying from laughing so hard, to tell them yes, exactly we burnt a few rolls. To this day, it is the funniest Thanksgiving EVER!!! 
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